Having good communication skill is crucial in our interpersonal relationships: spouse, partner, employer, co-workers, employees, children, parents, friends, neighbors and so on, just about anyone you come across and have to interact with on a daily basis. Those who know the basics of communication skills are able to navigate relationships well and form healthy interactions with others.
What make up good communication skills? Effective communication starts with good listening. You may say "well, I know how to listen!" It sounds easy, but in reality it is hard to be a truly good listener.
Good listening means that you are not only paying attention, you are able to show interest, read the non-verbal cues, and understand the person's experience at the moment (empathy). To truly understand other's experience and being empathic means you can hold your own thoughts, opinions and judgments in check, and really try to understand the speaker's feelings and thoughts at the moment.
When you speak, what you mean to say and what you actually say may not come across to the listener as you intended. How our words come across to the receivers are important especially in resolving differences. It is helpful to know our intentions or motives behind the message. Am I trying to be right no matter what? Am I doing it to win or to look good? Do I say things to avoid conflict or make peace? or to punish?
For most of us, it takes some practice to learn how to express ideas or thoughts to another person in ways that are gentle, non-blaming, assertive, clear without becoming aggressive or judgmental. Sometimes I role play with my clients on how to communicate effectively to get their feelings across and get their needs met. In therapy, I often encourage my clients to use the I-statements.
This sounds like a cliché, but it really works well. I-statements start from where I am, how I feel, what I think. When you say "I feel angry when you come home late" sounds much better to the receiver instead of "You are late again!", "Why are you late?", or "How can you do this to me?" I- statements reduce defensiveness from the receiver because you state how you feel, and you clearly express that it is the behavior which causes you distress rather than the person.
Joy Tsai Yuan Hung, MFT is a psychotherapist practicing in San Diego. She provides specialized services to issues faced by young adults (age 18- early 20s) and young professionals (age mid 20s - 30s). Joy helps clients with a wide range of issues such as personal growth, exploring identity, individuation, improving relationship, LGBT issues and multicultural issues. She also helps clients who have difficulties with depression, anxiety, self esteem, stress, loss and grief, trauma. Joy has a warm, respectful, and non-judgmental style of working with client to provide a safe space for the healing process.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Joy_Tsai_Yuan_Hung
No comments:
Post a Comment